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Sports Jam
It's almost the end of January, so I guess it's about time Sports Jam kicks the year into gear and
makes 11 predictions for 1998.

11. On April 1, three Dallas Cowboys players will pose as police officers to arrest someone
else for a change.
10. The NBA reaches a new all-time low. After drafting high school players like Kobe Bryant
and Tracy McGrady, a 6'4" middle school talent from small town Connecticut finds his name on
the New Jersey Net's roster.
9. The Denver Nuggets and Golden State Warriors relocate under a witness protection program.
8. After drafting 2 more Kentucky basketball players in the 1998 NBA draft, the Boston Celtics
rename themselves the Kentucky Celtics despite geographic location.
7. Mike Tyson becomes a gourmet taste-tester--'nuff said.
6. The Carolina Hurricanes retaliate against record low fan attendance by banning the fans from
the games. This kind of reverse psychology will not work.
5. "Where Have all the Cowboys Gone" becomes the NFL anthem.
4. The florida Marlins go too far and trade Wayne Huyzinga for an owner to be named later.
3. Larry Bird gets so excited about a possible Pacer NBA championship that he suits up to play
after the All Star break.
2. Emmitt Smith realizes how old and ineffective he has become and has younger brother and
Cowboys' practice team member Emory Smtih suit up in his place to break a few last records.
1. Dennis Rodman goes bald, leaving the sportsworld pondering one question: "What will he dye next?"

M.C.



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